Virginia’s Blog

Stan and I were laughing at ourselves on Christmas Eve…we’ve always heard about parents staying up late the night before Christmas putting things together! Thankfully, the doll house was together…but the car took some time!! We had a great day with my parents. The kids played all day with their new things.

Jamey (and Ginna, too) love the cozy coupe!!!

Jamey got a ball zone from Grandma and PawPaw. He got his first Tonka truck from Wing and Granddaddy.

Jamey got a new hat from Aunt Elizabeth, Uncle Ben, and Rebecca. He’s enjoying some fresh orange peel.

Jamey walks along the back of the car while Ginna drives as well!

We finished the day with a meal of seared tuna with wasabi butter sauce, mashed potatoes, salad with walnuts, cranberries, and gorgonzola, and kalamata olive bread. We all slept very well last night and are thankful for a great day together.

I just finished reading Grace Based Parenting, which I HIGHLY recommend. It has helped me sort through many of my questions about the difference between fear-based and grace-based parenting. I was somewhat skeptical at first, thinking too much grace from the parent might lead to license for misbehavior, but I’ve realized this is in the same vein as fearing that people will sin more if they live in light of God’s grace. Paul combats this thought: “What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not! Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness? But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness….But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life.” Romans 6:15-22

My hope is to raise children who are respectful and know they are required to obey, but that they understand there are choices to be made (see earlier post) and learn how to use their minds and hearts to make good choices. I entitled this post “my daughter sleeps in a chair” because I was encouraged by this book to not make an issue of some of Ginna’s craziness, and in particular, her ridiculous request to sleep in a chair rather than in her bed. In the book, the author reports having spoken to a father whose children are grown, asking him what one thing he regrets most about his interactions with his son. He said that his son regularly asked to sleep with a desk chair on his bed. The parents (accurately) found this request to be ridiculous. So they refused. On the nights of refusal, there were huge bedtime battles. Occasionally, they would give in. On these nights, the son would profusely thank them and go to sleep with no problems. Who knows what was going on in that little boy’s head. Who knows why my daughter feels more comfortable curled up in a rocking chair. But grace implores me to not make an issue of something so inconsequential….

The books talks about three strong needs in children: love, significance, and hope, and provides guidance on how to meet these needs.

I’ve been reflecting over the past year of parenting two, and I’ve realized there have been so many wonderful lessons learned this year. We’ve had lots of experience and have read several great books. (I’m working on a compliation of my thoughts on Grace-Based Parenting, which will be in a post later today or tomorrow.) Nothing refines us like parenting.

Very few people probably know this about me, but I occasionally give names to periods of my life, if they are particularly meaningful. In the past, I have had loftier titles, like “the abolition of the sacred/secular dichotomy” and “soverignty and grace inextricably bound.” I’m glad I learned those lessons before becoming a parent….because my recent lessons are based in the mundane tasks of caring for two children. I’m glad to see the sacred in the secular, and to know God’s sovereignty covers my mistakes.

So here my top 10 list for 2008:

1. Parenting is an art that is practiced with a consistent dialogue between the mind and heart.

2. I will second guess myself daily regarding parenting tactics and decisions. My regular plea is “Cover these actions with your grace, dear God.”

3. I will “eat my thoughts” of disdain about behavior of other children. I should never think I’m “above” my children acting out some part of their sinful nature.

4. Preschool makes me a better mom. Not everyone needs it or wants it. But for me, it gives an introverted mom a sanity break from a very active, extroverted child. And it gives that very child a venue for her extroversion and action!

5. It is ok to not like certain phases of development. It does not mean I don’t love my child.

6. There are some battles not worth fighting (e.g., ginna sleeping in a chair…refer to coming post on grace based parenting).

7. I should never act like I’ve got it all figured out. As soon as I think I do, something changes and I have to figure it out again.

8. Children are AMAZING. They teach me more about God’s beauty and my selfishness than any other life lesson. And second babies are fabulous….I’ve felt so relaxed to enjoy this little guy. My pediatrician told me I would enjoy him in a totally different way than I enjoyed Ginna  because I would be more relaxed. He was right.

9. For me, parenting is a balance between the following three ideas:

a. Teaching children that they MUST obey their parents.

b. Teaching children to use their minds and to pray to God to help them make good choices (and to provide regular opportunity for making choices).

c. Acting out the fact that grace covers our children’s mistakes. When they sin, they are not condemned by God, so they shouldn’t be by me, either. Rather, they are disciplined in love.

10. My children do not exist to make me happy (though they do) and I do not exist to make them happy. We are for the glory of God.

I wonder what’s on my syllabus for 2009??

The kids made “wreaths” for snack…bagels with green cream cheese and dried cranberries.

And here are a few more recent photos….

Jamey and Ginna love riding the plane  together at the park.

Ginna is very much into riding her bike. Note the Christmas cookie in her hand!

Ginna’s class sang in church last Sunday.

On Sunday morning before church, Stan said, “We don’t dress like Southerners, but we dress our kids as Southerners. Is that weird?” I said, “Of course not!” So here are our kids in their smocked Christmas outfits.

 Ginna had an ornament making party at her school on Friday night. We made lots of ornaments to decorate their class tree.

Ginna got an early Christmas present from Daddy. She has been wanting this scarf and hat for quite some time….now if we could just have some hat and scarf weather!

My little niece was born on Saturday at 5:14pm. Unfortunately, she is on the other coast…. She is beautiful, and i can’t wait to meet her. Elizabeth (my sister) and Ben are very proud and thankful for this gift. I am reminded every day that children are such an amazing gift.

We are making a Jesse tree in celebration of Advent. Each day, we color an ornament that contains a symbol representing Biblical stories and concepts and post it to a tree. We read an accompanying verse and Bible story. For example, on day 1 the ornament was a dove, symbolizing the peace of God’s creation in the beginning. Day 2 was an apple, symbolizing the disobedience of Adam and Eve in eating the apple God commanded them to abstain from. See photos below.

(in case you’re wondering, that would be Stan and Ginna….please tell me Jamey will remain mellow!)

I store my two oven mitts in a drawer with the measuring utensils and Stan’s preferred stainless utensils… I already had a set when we got married, but he likes a different, more modern set…. Stan is getting fed up with sharing his drawer with the oven mitts. So he relocated them to the drawer that holds Ginna’s bowls and cups. When she awakened yesterday morning and opened her drawer to get a cup, she emphatically took the mitts out and said they did NOT belong in her drawer. Virginia just has one question. Where is the drawer for the person who does the vast majority of the work in the kitchen???