Virginia’s Blog

The why phase is wearing on me….here is one such conversation from yesterday. Multiply it times 300 and you’ll understand part of my day.

(Driving home from the grocery store)

Ginna: Why didn’t we get buns?

Me: We did.

Ginna: Where are they?

Me: In the trunk.

Ginna: Where in the trunk?

Me: In a bag.

Ginna: Where in the bag?

Me: I don’t know.

Ginna: Why don’t you know? Why don’t you know? Why don’t you know?

Ugh!!

There have been several moments lately in which the reality of the fallen world has caused to me to fret greatly. One of those moments was Sunday night when Stan showed me a PSA on texting while driving. Not only did 2 of the 3 teens driving while texting die in the ensuing crash, the mom and dad were killed in a car with the two children in the back seat left alive and questioning why their parents weren’t waking up. I couldn’t shake this….I laid in bed that night for hours unable to sleep. Driving in LA is sometimes terrifying to me….but I know accidents can happen anywhere. I know God is sovereign, good, and trustworthy…yet there is no guarantee that tragedy will not come. This is hard. Last night I read the following from My Utmost for His Highest. It helped restore my perspective and reminded me that many of the times I have felt peaceful in the past have been based on ignorance…age and being a parent are wiping away that ignorance. “My peace I give to you…yet not as the world gives.”

Here is the what I read:

“There are times when our peace is based upon ignorance, but when we awaken to the facts of life, inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus. When Our Lord speaks peacce, He makes peace, His words are ever “spirit and life.” Have I ever received what Jesus speaks? “My peace I give unto you”–it is a peace which comes from looking into His face and realizing His undisturbedness.A

Are you painfully disturbed now, distracted by the waves and billows of God’s providential permission, and having, as it were, turned over boulders of your belief, are you still finding no well of peace or joy or comfort; is all barren? Then look up and receive the undisturbedness of the Lord Jesus. Reflected peace is the proof that you are right with God because you are at liberty to turn your mind to Him. If you are not right with God, you can never turn your mind anywhere but on yourself. If you allow anything to hide the face of Jesus Christ from you, you are either disturbed or you have a false security.

Are you looking unto Jesus now, in the immediate matter that is pressing and receiving from Him peace? If so, He will be a graciou benediction of peace in and through you. But if you try to worry it out, you obliterate Him and deserve all you get. We get disturbed because we have not been considering Him. When one confers with Jesus Christ the perplexity goes, because He has no perplexity, our only concern is to abide in Him. Lay it all out before Him, and in the face of difficulty, bereavement and sorrow, hear him say, “Let not your heart be troubled.”

-Oswald Chambers

My poor judgment today has caused many thoughts to go through my head. I’ll share the story first and then the thoughts.

I took the kids shopping this morning to look for a birthday present. As we were looking in the store, Jamey became rather restless. Ginna had just been trying out a little bag that you squeeze and it made a sound. I asked her to give it to Jamey for a moment so we could finish. I forgot to get it back from him and headed to the check out. The clerk asked me for the item in Jamey’s hand to add to my purchases. I told her he was just looking at it and we would put it back. She rudely told me she saw him put it in his mouth and she could not sell it. She proceeded through the checkout in a huff and then told the clerk as I was leaving that I let me baby “slob” all over the item (which was hardly the case)….and that I had intended on putting it back on the shelf. I left pretty irritated. First of all, I should have not allowed Jamey to play with the item….I clearly didn’t think about him putting it in his mouth (he’s almost 2…when will the oral phase end?!?!?) But I really get upset when someone judges me like this… I decided to turn around and offer to purchase the item. So back we went…. I told her that I was very sorry for what had happened and that I would be glad to purchase the item….but I did not appreciate being treated so rudely. She said that it was ok….but basically that hopefully I had learned my lesson and would not let anything like that happen again.

So here are my thoughts. First of all, today we are both left with one impression of each other. I think she is a rude lady who lacks understanding. She thinks I am a poor parent who doesn’t know how to teach her children respect. Hopefully, we are both wrong. But that was the only chance we had… and it’s over.

Second, I wish women could be less judgmental of other women. I work really hard to teach my children respect…and apparently, I was not respectful of the store’s property today. It was a mistake. Judgments such as this have always bothered me greatly as a parent. In New York it was the older women who often made rude remarks to me for taking my kids outside (albeit properly dressed) when the temp fell below 50 degrees.  Last week, it was a parent at Ginna’s ballet class (other story….but basically Ginna wouldn’t set food in her ballet class and a woman made a snide remark about the way I handled it….later found out that Ginna would not go it because she “wanted a lady teacher”….two days later she went in with no qualms). As a result of these experiences, I am going to try to give parents the benefit of the doubt when I can. Kids are not easy to keep quiet and calm in public. I do the best job I can to teach my kids to be respectful….and I leave when they aren’t. But some days (ha, ha)…I am just not perfect in my execution.

Robin, didn’t you have a post somewhat like this about a visit to Chick Fil A once?

This week has been full of things we’ve been meaning to do this summer but have not yet done. The first was a visit to Chuck E. Cheese….we have one in walking distance and Ginna has been asking to go for months. My mom took her when she was 2 and she did not like it at all…we ended up leaving pretty soon after getting there. This time she liked it much more! We just went for about an hour on Monday afternoon, so it was not too crazy.

This is a random photo from this week….my sister’s family has been traveling around with us all week. In this photo Uncle Ben (the bear) is picking up baby Rebecca from her school. Ginna’s favorite doll’s name is Aunt Elizabeth.

Tuesday was park and bike riding day..our usual. On Wednesday we went to the California Science Center. The kids had great fun in the two rooms designed for children 7 and under. Here are some photos:

Jamey went crazy over the millipedes and mice!

Ginna made a bug relief.

Building in the workshop….

This was Ginna’s favorite thing..the airport….appropriate for a girl who loves to go anywhere!!

This was an exhibit about identity. There were colored columns with different personality characteristics written on them. You stand under the opening and hear voices that sound like someones thoughts who has that particular personality. “Social” sounded just like Ginna, and “organized” sounded like me….

This floor illustrated how people interact and affect each other. As you walked, a colored dot followed you. As you touched other people’s dots, your dot picked up part of their color.

This was a fishing exhibit.

Thursday and Friday have been fun YMCA days….we had tumbling, pilates (for me), and ballet yesterday. Today, after Jamey’s cast comes off I think we will celebrate by swimming! I’ve thought a lot this summer about a book I read when Ginna was a newborn about the “golden hour of play.” It basically said that it was important to spend about an hour of focused time with your child each day. I find that hard to do at home….I think about things I need to do while I’m playing and usually only last for a few minutes (with the exception of reading books…I last longer while reading). Anyway, when swimming with the kids or playing with them in their classes, I find it easy to focus on playing and interacting with them.

Stan and I celebrated 5 years of marriage on August 7th. With the help of two friends who watched our children, we were able to spend a night away. It was our first night alone since Ginna was born…and we really enjoyed it. We went to the Hollywood Bowl last night to see the LA Phil perform Tchaikovsky. The USC marching band joined in for the 1812 Overture…complete with fireworks. We arrived early and had a lovely picnic prior to the show. We stayed a few miles away at the Hilton at Universal Studios. We went to Citywalk for coffee yesterday and for lunch today.

Last night, we reminisced about about first four anniversaries. Here are our memories:

1. We had just moved to NY. I was working with some people who were really into organic and raw foods…and they recommended a restaurant in keeping with their tastes. (Afterwards, Stan vowed to never again go to a restaurant recommended by my nutrition-minded friends…) I ordered salmon and Stan ordered a seafood pot pie. Somehow I did not realize my salmon was going to be RAW….and I was pregnant! Oh…the portion was also an ounce at most. Stan graciously traded his meager portion of pot pie…and we both left very hungry. We had tickets to see the Lion King on Broadway. On the way, we stopped at McDonald’s for ice cream. The show was fabulous. We were both starving at the end. So at about midnight after the show we went BACK to McDonalds at Times Square and shared a double cheeseburger combo…did I mention cheeseburgers were a pregnancy craving for me?

2. On our second anniversary, we were living in Forest Hills (Queens) and were adjusting to parenthood. We celebrated in our apartment with a great pizza from Nick’s. If my memory serves me well, I bought Stan a rotisserie (which in retrospect I realize was a horrible gift)…and he went clothes shopping for me, which was very sweet.

3. On our third anniversary, we were pregnant with Jamey and had just moved to Los Angeles. Juliana watched Ginna while we went to see The Bourne Ultimatum…our third movie seen at a theatre together (we saw Mona Lisa Smile when dating in MS and Rent at Union Square in NY).

4. On our fourth anniversary, we bought matching cruisers to enjoy CA together (although since we’ve rarely gotten a chance to ride together). My college roommate was visiting, and we made sushi together and ate at home. Did I mention we were in yet another residence….our current home…which is our fifth so far?

So, here’s to five years and five homes….two kids…and a crazy life that’s been lots of adventure and fun!

Here are some photos of the 5th anniversary celebration.

Stan at Citywalk yesterday afternoon.

Entering the Hollywood Bowl…

Before the show started.

Fireworks

See the marching band in front

Today at Citywalk…

Stan is preparing to take two licensing exams (of the seven total he has to pass) in less than two weeks. He spent most of the weekend studying. Ginna was asking him about it, and Stan told her that he had to study really hard to take some tests in two weeks. Her reply: “Oh, daddy, with all of that, you are going to have a really long week.” Where does she come up with these things? Also, a few days ago she made a necklace at VBS and it broke. She came running to me and said, “Mommy, this necklace is not incredible anymore.” I promptly helped her restore it to the status of incredible.

Kids are hilarious!

I’ve mentioned that I will post thoughts on parenting multiples (and I realize there are many of you who have more multiples than I now expereince….and I’m sure you’re much more the wiser on account of it!). I remember when I was pregnant with Jamey, first people would comment on how I would have to adjust to having a boy…”they are so much more of a handful than girls.” Clearly, these people do not know my girl….and they did not know that I would have the most easy going little guy around. Seriously, a little dirt is not that big of a deal. I remember talking with a mom in the park who said when she was pregnant with her second that people would say to her that “one is none and two is ten.” Clearly, these people don’t remember having one…and they certainly do not have ten!! Then there was a mom who told me that a dog-owner had just told her (in reference to her twins, if I remember correctly) that it would be easier to care for ten children than one dog. I will hold my comments back on that one….

So, I have had several recent experiences that have caused me to ponder the difference between one and two children.

1. Ginna went to Palm Springs with my parents for two nights in June and we were left with just Jamey. It was so strange. Honestly, it did feel a bit like “none.” There was no mediation to engage in…no one to encourage to share… (which I am finding most recently is the hardest part of two so close together…the constant work of helping them learn to respect each other and treat each other kindly….but it is so rewarding to see them love each other and play well together!!)  On the other hand, Jamey had no one to play with. When I was cooking meals, he did not have his buddy to play with him on the kitchen floor. He truly missed her. And I was reminded of why when Ginna was about one, I wanted a second child. The dynamic of just one was so calm.

2. I mentioned that when flying to AL in July, I took Jamey alone and Stan took Ginna on another flight. Both kids were so calm and obedient on the first leg of the flight (which was 5 hours, mind you). When we met in Atlanta and they saw each other, they began running up and down the terminal (I think I mentioned this story). Anyway, it was late, they had been sitting for a while, and they needed to get some energy out. At that moment I realized I constantly use what I now call the “diverted glance.” Ginna is safe. Jamey is safe. Ginna is safe. Jamey is safe. Over and over. Back and forth. The energy to keep our two kids safe and respectful in public is clearly much more demanding than managing one. But I also think about how much fun they had together…they were laughing with each other, and causing those weary travelers who are amused by funny kids to also have a chuckle.

3. This week I have averaged a doctor’s appointment a day. I had to take Jamey with me to two of these…an oral sugery post-check and PT. Ginna had VBS this week…which is another post. I thought about what it would’ve been like to take both kids….impossible. But just one, I could manage.

So, yes, I will say in terms of energy and effort, multiple kids (especially close in age) bring more than what the work of parenting and tending to each child individually entails. There is a certain synergy that two little personalities create. The training (kind words, kind hands, kind hearts….we talk about these all day….) called for is so much more. But it is so good for these little guys to have each other to play with and learn alongside. And, despite the work, there is a deep satisfaction of seeing them grow together and learning from them.

I don’t think I could ever say that I have had a particularly strong core. I exercise very regularly and enjoy the cardiovascular benefits. I swim, walk, and do aerobics (go ahead and laugh….it’s usually either kick boxing or my recent fun favorite….Hip Hop Abs). I like the latter choices because I can work my core and get cardio at the same time…and my kids like doing it with me.

Well, I have recently realized that my attempts to stay in shape are not enough in terms of strength and function for my post-pregnancy body. I have mild scoliosis….which has resulted in some functional assymetries in my body. For example, the right side of my body is much stronger than the left. My right leg seems to be longer than the left because of issues in my hip. Bending to the right is much harder than bending to the left. The fact that I carry a 28 lb little man on the left hip compounds the problems on that side of my body.

During my first pregnancy, I had bouts of sciatica and had to seek PT help…there were many days that walking was difficult. But swimming helped immensely…which I did up til my due date. After having Ginna, I was better, but still had problems with my back. A year after her birth I remember having one episode during which I suddenly could not stand up. I remember crawling around our NY apartment trying to take care of her. It was horrible.

Jamey’s pregnancy was easier….but I came to realize a few months ago that I had begun to accept certain (on some days pretty serious) functional impairments that could potentially improve. My left hip hurts pretty regularly, and on some days walking is difficult. So I decided to start seeing a PT again. Wow, is he putting me through some work! He said my main issue is that my core is not strong enough, so the upper and lower part of my spine get tight and stressed more than they should. Finding time to go to PT has been hard…and arranging for child care is even more interesting…this week I took Jamey with me….he had a great time watching and playing with the balls. I am starting a Pilates class and doing lots of exercises at home. Hopefully soon I will be much stronger and experience much less pain!!!

I have to start by saying that Jamey is the child who never cries when he gets a shot. He had blood drawn a few months ago and didn’t even wimper. He is a tough guy. SO, when he fell in his tumbling class last Thursday…he did not act like it was much of an issue. He cried for a minute and held his arm…and he wanted me to hold him rather than participate in the remainder of the class (which was unusual). But then I took him to his swimming lesson, and he was fine. He acted fine. But I noticed he was using the arm less, and on Saturday it occurred to me that when he fell (which he does pretty much hourly), that his responses were more exaggerated than normal. So I took him to an urgent care clinic. The dr. was floored…he did not even flinch during the manipulations of the exam…but his arm was broken in TWO PLACES!! I really thought he would’ve been more upset if something had been really wrong. I guess I forgot the nature of my easy going child. I’ll follow with a picture of the poor little guy in his cast and sling.